D A L I F . C O M

I fucking hate this... I bleed on the inside, it's tearing me apart. I wish I could change the unchangable, but how could I ever. I've lost control of that which matter the most. The precious in my life pushed afar, and for what reason? I'm without control. And now, life must go on. On? I don't know how. It seems to have stopped, frozen in time... in love, in pain, in agony forevermore. Devotion to the emotion. Gone unnoticed, unappreciated. So many things to have been different, but wasn't. So many things should be undone. So many things... I can't go on, my thoughts are piercing my brain, my clarity, my control... control. It's all about control, isn't it? How I loathe not having any. I wish I could flush my veins for pain... empty my heart and soul. It hurts like never before... I love you

I installed my USB TV thingy today (well I did it the other day actually, but didn't get around to rebooting my comp before today), and I finally had a chance to watch TV on here. Since I have a dual monitor setup, this enables me to do many things at once, including capping TV and music stuff from cable directly. I'll be using it to watch different stuff while talking on IRC or something similar at the same time.

And as I was browsing around, I stumbled upon a baseball game. Something a sports channel has started showing a great deal of lately. Oddly enough, it was between the Boston Red Sox and the Atlanta Braves. The two teams my old SWG mates, Holden and Allanon used to have heated discussions over. Allanon was an Atlanta man, and Holden was from Massachusets. That and college football. But it made me think about the good old days. Haven't heard a sound from Holden since March. I do hope he's doing well.. Will be great to have him back on a regular basis again. Haven't spoken to Allanon in a bit either. I suspect he's just doing what he usually does. Classes and still into SWG as far as I understand. Oh, also, when watching the game, I saw this guy pop up. Coco Crisp.. wtf.. his parents must have been high or something. Coco as a name for a dude... that in itself is weird. But with the last name Crisp, it's downright cheek.

And Ranc found our old friend, William Wallace sword for a fairly decent price. I was most astonished by the sheer size of it. 54 inches.. that's one helluva huge sword. I'd get Hadhafang any old day of the week, if I were to buy a sword.. but this one looks cool too. Dunno where I'd keep it tho :)

No, I didn't actually see the movie with Winona and Angelina, even tho it was on TV tonight. I considered it, but I was too mentally absent to focus on a sociorealistic view into the head of fucked up girls. I hear it's decent, so I'll prolly check it out eventually. No I watched the classic, Braveheart. It's still a hella nice flick. Well catching. Watched it on a commercial newwork, so we had commercial breaks. It's funny tho... we (Ranc and I) had just finished eating, and were just browsing around randomly, when we chanced upon Braveheart. At that point, we could have chosen to just pick the DVD out of our respective collections, and pop it in, thus cutting out the commercial breaks. But we didn't. That's the interesting part. Why didn't we? Things like that makes me wonder. No, we used the commercial breaks for different things. The first one, we managed to wash up after dinner and clean the kitchen. And various other tasks were completed during the movie breaks. I guess being scatterminded just does that. We were still mad at the breaks, but thought wtf... odd human behavior. 

Still a powerful movie tho. Always get a little misty eyed when Mel shouts Freedom in the end. I like it. And the scottish dialect is always interesting. I managed to rip the entire disc of A Bit of Fry and Laurie Season 2, which I had just gotten the other day. S2 isn't quite as good as S1, but still has lots of really funny moments. I hope to have them released sometimes in the middle of next week. I'll be doing some more actual work next week. Thursday and Friday was spent mainly writing text for 3 different real estate pamphlets. Each pamphlet contained information regarding some housing projects they are doing, and it is considered sales material. The information given by the real estate company was miniscule at best, so I had to just think up nice descriptions for apartments I've never even seen. Oh I think I went into this already. Anyway, Tuesday, I'll be driving North for about an hour, with Rohan. He's a nice guy, but I do hope we'll have enough work to keep us busy during the ride, as I'm very bad at small talk. I never know what to say. So I fear lots of uncomfortable silences. And on the way back too. But we'll go interview some dude, and I'll write a fucking 12 page folder of text afterwards. Hopefully there'll be lots of pictures, otherwise, I have to rack my brain for interesting sentences and word combinations, and I'd like to have better odds than that :)

After a nightshift, it's nice to have the saturday off. I would have liked to be doing what I was supposed to be doing today, but drinking vodka and soda at home, while talking to friends and watching a movie is also a fun activity. I suspect I'll be out next weekend, with a bit of luck. We'll see. I have a nightshift on Thursday as well. One of them by itself, ain't too bad actually. I should, however, start considering another place to make my living, until I start for real at 3dhuset. I need the money fo sho. Oh well.. we'll, as always, play it by ear.

Been fiddling with those damn drops of water on my can of coke for a while now.. I've finally gotten them to look like water, which is nice... but they don't show enough on the can itself. They are hardly visible on the brigth red Coke can. Perhaps I should try the Dr Pepper one again, see if that's better. I put a few on the table (drops of water), and I hope They'll look better there. I'm rendering it as we speak, and you can view it later on in my gallery.

Tessa wrote me yesterday, on msn.. and I replied, but she had left the comp. A few hours later, I send her a text. She had lost her phone right after we broke, and I wasn't sure she had gotten it back, but I took a chance. Turns out she had. We texted a bit. It gave me a warm feeling to know she's still out there. While I know she probably misses me a bit, it is still nice to hear it once in a while. You know.. just a reminder that it all matters a bit. Some people tell me I should get over those types of emotions... and while that may be the best solution, I'm not that kind of guy. Sure, I can be harsh and tough when talking to people.. I can see distant, even with people close to me. I can be snobbish.. and seem reserved. But I'm most of those things by choice. And that means I'm really a highly emotional person. And when somebody I've been attached to for 3 years almost on a daily basis... and felt... no feels very much for, interest, respect, friendship and above all love, goes away from one day to the next... well call me old fashioned, but that doesn't mean I can just put it down and walk away. I'm not that kind of person. and as such, it's nice to know that we care for one another... I think so anyway.

Oh well.. it's weekend now, and I have a nightshift tonight. It's the only one this weekend, as I traded my saturday one off for next Thursday, thinking I was gonna go to Tessa's birthday/graduation party. But, for obvious reasons, that was cancelled - at least for my part. So now I'm gonna go out drinking with mates instead. Sunday is still open. I have an offer to travel to a local island, Bornholm, to see the hotel that my dad and several other board members, bought some time back. Just a one day trip, to check it out. It's rather early in the morning tho, so I'm not sure I'll go. Depends on the saturday I guess :)