It happened.
It's 4.50 AM and we have talked all night. We're still together. I won't go into detail about it, because it's very private for the both of us. Shit, it's hard. I feel so weak and small right now. I know what to do and NOT to do, but what I'm not supposed to do would feel so good. A part of me wants revenge. It wants to hurt him as much as he has hurt me, wants to supress any loving feeling and just destroy as much as possible before taking off.
But I love him. God, I love him so much! If only he did not love me, but he does. I hate being an adult. I hate the world. I hate myself... I blame myself for everything, even though I shouldn't, even though he's also saying I shouldn't. But I know that it is part my fault. I know that I'm not good enough, I don't make do and fuck that is so sickening.
Listen, this is pretty negative. I just need to let all this out. I have no one to talk to about this and I don't want to either. But I need it out. There are also a lot of good stuff, a lot of love and respect, otherwise I wouldn't be with him still (I'm not a fool). I just need this bad shit out of my system.
Why can't love just be easy? Fuck it. If you're not already trapped: Stay single.
I love him. He loves me. Why does anything else have to matter??
Dalif Says
Sunday, July 22. 2007 at 13:00 (Link) (Reply)
Kristine Says
Sunday, July 22. 2007 at 19:32 (Reply)
Cari Says
Monday, July 23. 2007 at 19:37 (Link) (Reply)
I say that to myself all the time. Why does everything else have to get in the way?
I hope you're feeling better about everything by now.