Another sitcom treasure: the ...

Yes, the hotel does take up rather a lot of my time. At least it means I've got little stories to tell on here. And with my life being ridiculously dull and boring besides what I do at work, I think you all should just be happy that I'm treating you to at least something.

Anywho, today's story will revolve around the good old handshake with a folded note routine. Altho this particular case wasn't about a bribe, the move still took place, and I happened to find it pretty hillarious. On to the story at hand (pun);

I was in reception, loafing about, when a guest enters. He's immediately recognizable to me, as one of the sorta newly rich people who thinks everybody else lives to serve his needs, and that nothing is undoable as long as he keeps on asking in a friendly and sleazy manner. He tossed his Amex Gold on the desk, and informed me of his name. He had a heavy and thick smell of some deodorant or perfume (whatever the fuck the difference is), which make talking to him slightly difficult for me. After telling me his name, and showing me his Radisson membership number (conveniently written on a piece of paper, rather than on the actual membership card every member has), he asked the question asked by so many people, and denied by so many receptionists: "Do you have an upgrade for me?" I should have him stuffed and mounted.

Anywho, the upgrade request is a pretty standard part of daily hotel business. For some reason guests thinks that just because they've stayed at a hotel in the same chain once, twice or ten times before, they are somehow entitled to free stuff all the time. Why it's so important a status symbol for them, having a room 2 square feet larger, I simply cannot understand. And just asking for a free upgrade, like it was the most natural thing in the world, is downright cheek to me. I hate it, and I hate the style. So I pull out the old staff-vs-guests textbook (as mentioned in the Blamex post) and I go for the sly move that is holding the guest off for a bit, appearing to look for that elusive upgrade, while really just clicking the 'ok' button repeatedly. I spice it up a notch by telling him I've secured a slightly larger room than what was booked, and that it's the best I can do. He's asking a few details about the room, and I reply. He seems content. So I check him in. He thinks he's gotten an upgrade. In reality, he's gotten fuck all. Power of illusion I guess. So he goes up to his room, and the waiting game begins. Will he be happy? Or will he come back and ask for a larger room, to which I'd have to reply in the negative fashion.

I don't give it a lot of thought, since it's a fairly common event. But he does show up later on, going into the restaurant. On the way, he moves towards me, and extends his hand. As in Seinfeld, this plays in slowmotion in my head. I move my hand towards his, not yet realizing what is about to transpire. His hand meets mine, and we lock in, the money note folded tightly between our palms. "Excellent choice of rooms my friend", was the sentence accompanying the cash. I'm momentarily puzzled at the appearance of money in my hand, but I recover quickly, with a curtly nod and a thank you. The handshake bribe, executed to perfection. I've seen it so many times, but didn't think it actually happened.

Of course that wasn't the last I should see of the guy. He came back later on, and by now he and I were apparently on a first name basis. "Dalif... I need another room tonight. Just remembered I had a friend come by.. just a standard room with the basics... I'm paying everything". So I start the booking process up, and we enter a debate about the room. He asks the usual questions.. is it a nice room. Yes. Does it have a nice bed. Yes. Have you seen the room? No, but they are all pretty standard. Blah blah blah. He pulls the same stunt he did earlier, talking about how valued a customer he is of our hotels around the world yadda yadda yadda. I'm not impressed. Then he asks the second most common try-to-scam-cash question: Can you throw in free breakfast with the room?

Now, in this case he didn't ask, but he told me, I'd do it. "You'll throw in free breakfast right? Because I'm a valued customer". I chuckled, and said: I wish I could (a blatant lie). He wasn't chuffed with me not complying, but decided to let it go. I guess he realized it was too far out. I'm just amazed at the nerve these people have. Perhaps I'm just a naive person who is satisfied with getting what he's paying for or what he's ordered. But what the hell does he think this is? That I'm just giving away free shit left and right because he thinks he should have it? If I give him a free upgrade, I'm sure as hell gonna have to explain to a lot of angry people why I did that. And ultimately I'll have to pay for it myself, I'm guessing. If I throw in a free breakfast, I'd have explaining to do as well... and I'm sure I'd end up having to pay for that too. Besides financial consequences, I'd be labelled as a moron or someone easily bullied. Why doesn't the guy realize this? Sure I guess the old saying "It doesn't hurt to ask" could ring true here. I just think it does. I mean, he's made it into a blog post on the internet now, and he's made me think of him as an idiot. And consider, all his fucking around and being a smartass got him nowhere. I guess I shouldn't even have indulged him as far as thinking he got a better room. It encourages him. But what the hell. I guess I just wanted to get rid of him without having to go through a lot of unnecessary bullshit. God I hate people like him. If I hadn't already spent his cash on beer and food, I'd toss it in the River Styx on my way to see Hades. BaZING!