Hotelling

Yes, the hotel does take up rather a lot of my time. At least it means I've got little stories to tell on here. And with my life being ridiculously dull and boring besides what I do at work, I think you all should just be happy that I'm treating you to at least something.

Anywho, today's story will revolve around the good old handshake with a folded note routine. Altho this particular case wasn't about a bribe, the move still took place, and I happened to find it pretty hillarious. On to the story at hand (pun);

I was in reception, loafing about, when a guest enters. He's immediately recognizable to me, as one of the sorta newly rich people who thinks everybody else lives to serve his needs, and that nothing is undoable as long as he keeps on asking in a friendly and sleazy manner. He tossed his Amex Gold on the desk, and informed me of his name. He had a heavy and thick smell of some deodorant or perfume (whatever the fuck the difference is), which make talking to him slightly difficult for me. After telling me his name, and showing me his Radisson membership number (conveniently written on a piece of paper, rather than on the actual membership card every member has), he asked the question asked by so many people, and denied by so many receptionists: "Do you have an upgrade for me?" I should have him stuffed and mounted.

Anywho, the upgrade request is a pretty standard part of daily hotel business. For some reason guests thinks that just because they've stayed at a hotel in the same chain once, twice or ten times before, they are somehow entitled to free stuff all the time. Why it's so important a status symbol for them, having a room 2 square feet larger, I simply cannot understand. And just asking for a free upgrade, like it was the most natural thing in the world, is downright cheek to me. I hate it, and I hate the style. So I pull out the old staff-vs-guests textbook (as mentioned in the Blamex post) and I go for the sly move that is holding the guest off for a bit, appearing to look for that elusive upgrade, while really just clicking the 'ok' button repeatedly. I spice it up a notch by telling him I've secured a slightly larger room than what was booked, and that it's the best I can do. He's asking a few details about the room, and I reply. He seems content. So I check him in. He thinks he's gotten an upgrade. In reality, he's gotten fuck all. Power of illusion I guess. So he goes up to his room, and the waiting game begins. Will he be happy? Or will he come back and ask for a larger room, to which I'd have to reply in the negative fashion.

I don't give it a lot of thought, since it's a fairly common event. But he does show up later on, going into the restaurant. On the way, he moves towards me, and extends his hand. As in Seinfeld, this plays in slowmotion in my head. I move my hand towards his, not yet realizing what is about to transpire. His hand meets mine, and we lock in, the money note folded tightly between our palms. "Excellent choice of rooms my friend", was the sentence accompanying the cash. I'm momentarily puzzled at the appearance of money in my hand, but I recover quickly, with a curtly nod and a thank you. The handshake bribe, executed to perfection. I've seen it so many times, but didn't think it actually happened.

Of course that wasn't the last I should see of the guy. He came back later on, and by now he and I were apparently on a first name basis. "Dalif... I need another room tonight. Just remembered I had a friend come by.. just a standard room with the basics... I'm paying everything". So I start the booking process up, and we enter a debate about the room. He asks the usual questions.. is it a nice room. Yes. Does it have a nice bed. Yes. Have you seen the room? No, but they are all pretty standard. Blah blah blah. He pulls the same stunt he did earlier, talking about how valued a customer he is of our hotels around the world yadda yadda yadda. I'm not impressed. Then he asks the second most common try-to-scam-cash question: Can you throw in free breakfast with the room?

Now, in this case he didn't ask, but he told me, I'd do it. "You'll throw in free breakfast right? Because I'm a valued customer". I chuckled, and said: I wish I could (a blatant lie). He wasn't chuffed with me not complying, but decided to let it go. I guess he realized it was too far out. I'm just amazed at the nerve these people have. Perhaps I'm just a naive person who is satisfied with getting what he's paying for or what he's ordered. But what the hell does he think this is? That I'm just giving away free shit left and right because he thinks he should have it? If I give him a free upgrade, I'm sure as hell gonna have to explain to a lot of angry people why I did that. And ultimately I'll have to pay for it myself, I'm guessing. If I throw in a free breakfast, I'd have explaining to do as well... and I'm sure I'd end up having to pay for that too. Besides financial consequences, I'd be labelled as a moron or someone easily bullied. Why doesn't the guy realize this? Sure I guess the old saying "It doesn't hurt to ask" could ring true here. I just think it does. I mean, he's made it into a blog post on the internet now, and he's made me think of him as an idiot. And consider, all his fucking around and being a smartass got him nowhere. I guess I shouldn't even have indulged him as far as thinking he got a better room. It encourages him. But what the hell. I guess I just wanted to get rid of him without having to go through a lot of unnecessary bullshit. God I hate people like him. If I hadn't already spent his cash on beer and food, I'd toss it in the River Styx on my way to see Hades. BaZING!

I scared a guest the other day. Poor fellow. I'm not sure how he actually felt, but it seemed that he got frightened, and then afterwards apologized. Either I'm scary as hell, or he's used to a lot of authority. Perhaps a bit of both. Here's how it went down.

We have a policy of getting ID from people who've lost their keys or if the key somehow doesn't work. Most people are complying with the request to show ID, without causing trouble. A few doesn't understand why we can't remember every single person who comes through the lobby everyday (or their spouses) and just trust them. But rules are rules. It's for their own safety.

Anyway, this one guy, middle eastern looking (not that it has any effect on my actions), told me his key didn't work. He said he didn't have ID on him, that it was in his room, but he was able to inform me of the full name on the in-house list, so I figured.. well if he knew the name, he probably is that person. So I made him a new key. He departs my desk, and heads for the elevators. So another woman comes over to me, and says that he had been waiting for her in the lobby area, and she thought he had acted a little weird. I dunno who the hell she was, or what she thought the guy had done, but I decided I'd go up to his room and ask for ID anyway. Rather safe than sorry, I guess. If push ever came to shove, the whole business'd have my name on it, and I'd be pretty much liable. Can't let that happen. So I went.

I rode the lift to 12th floor or where ever he lived, and just as I exited the lift, I saw him opening his door a little down the hall. I start to move towards him, and he looks up at me. He seemed a little concerned. I said: "Excuse me, sir", but got no reply. He opened his door, and entered just as I made it there. So I say, "I'm sorry, sir. I'm gonna have to see some ID, please". Then the oddest thing happened. He raised both his arms, like I'd been pointing a gun at him. He didn't look really scared, just... a little uncomfortable. I was fairly stunned. "Just need to see some ID to make sure you are actually who you claim to be, sir. It's a standard procedure, no need to be alarmed." He reluctantly took his arms down, and started fiddling with things in his cupboard. Then he gave me passport, drivers license, library cards.. you name it. I told him I only needed one, to make sure. He apologized for causing trouble. I told him, I was the one apologizing, but I was just making sure.

I left the hallway slightly baffled. Thought it all to be rather humorous. I found out a little later, that the guy was one part of a duo of Syrian Airline crew who lives at the hotel everyday. Not the same people everyday, but Syrian Airlines have 2 pilots living with us daily. Now, I don't know a whole lot about Syria. But I seem to remember it being war-ridden. So perhaps he was used to people asking for papers and acting rough or something. Anyway, thought it was hillarious. So I decided to share. Aren't I the nice one?

No no blamex isn't a word.. I just made it up. But I think it fits. It's short for Black American Express.. You've probably heard of it. Gold Amex is commonplace.. even Platinum are pretty easy to come by these days. But Black... oh how coveted the black amex is. For one, it's by invite only. Secondly, you'd have to waste 250 large USD a year to get that special invite. It's all the rage with the celebs, I'm sure. Reading up on the card informed me, that the single largest purchase made with a black amex was a 30 million dollar house... on a credit card. So, it's a force to be reckoned with, in the financial world.

I've seen 3 of these cards in my life. 2 of them in the last week alone. I'm not really that much impressed with them, but I do admit they carry a lot of economic weight. That being said, I'd also have to assume the person carrying the card was a little spoiled or used to getting his/her way. So when I was checking in a guest the other day, and he presented a black amex, I was naturally inclined to provide him with good service, but also not prepared to meet unusual requests based on his financial situation alone. And trust me, a lot of people, regardless of credit card color, expects that.

He opened on a friendly basis, talking about how much he'd enjoy a hot bath (in a tub) when he got to his room, seing as he'd been in an aeroplane the past lord knows how many hours. I agreed with him, that flying could be tiresome. And I brought up his booking, which, to my great dismay, revealed that he had in fact had the smallest room available in the hotel, booked for him. The only category of rooms that does not contain a bathtub. And because it was my lucky night, the hotel was in fact full, not even allowing me to sell him an upgrade for a larger room.

Needless to say, he wasn't pleased when I informed him. And then began the old tug-o-war between the hotel staff and the guest. He went for the "long sighs, and looking very disappointed" move, hoping to somehow persuade me, without the use of more than a few words, to kick some other guest out, and sell him the better room. I countered with the helpless shrug, and the keeping myself busy at the workstation stunt. Of course I won, having pretty much the upper hand. He even tried the ever so classic: "I might even consider finding another hotel tonight" maneuvre. It's textbook stuff. I told him I'd be happy to help him find another hotel, but seing as there was a Microsoft conference in town, and they'd taken up 90% of all rooms, he'd be hard pressed. He also soon realized that if he did in fact leave the hotel, he'd still be charged for the first night (of two). He buckled, and was checked into a small room. I wasn't gloating or anything, but I did find it a little humorous how he somehow assumed we were to blame, when really he should've asked his secretary or whoever the fuck booked the room for him, that he needed a bathtub or a king size bed. If you have people doing your bidding, then I'd say you should try to at least have a little knowledge of what was done. Especially if you think so highly of yourself. But that might just be me.